Yes feelings matter and no, being upset doesn't make you right either
Convoluted title, I'm sure you'll all agree... yet it's the least original way I found to pass my message and catch the eye. Today's article is to address the ''feelings don't matter'' argument, often used by a certain type of people... mainly those who oppose social justice types and feminists. Whenever one of those feminists or SJW tell them ''You are really mean'', ''This really hurts my feelings'' or ''You won't convince anyone with that tone and insults'' the anti-feminists and anti-SJWs will inevitably answer: ''Your feelings don't matter'' ''Feelings don't matter'' or ''Logic over feelings''.
Usually, given my stances on feminism and social justice, you would expect of me that I take the anti-SJWs defense... Well not this time. Don't get me wrong, there is a point in what the anti-SJWs are saying, but there is also a point to what the SJWs and feminists says. First there is a misunderstanding here. The anti-camp is usually saying ''feelz don't matter'' in answer to an emotional appeal or just their opponents reacting emotionally, however, they don't get that they are no longer arguing over an argument, which must be answered with logic, but to someone's personnal emotions. Emotions are a tricky thing. We are all different and can be upsetted by anything... some faster and easier than others. Before, I would have said ''so what? Their feelings STILL doesn't make them right!''. I do think that, but I don't believe this attitude is helpful anymore.
Someone once taught me ''It doesn't matter how someone got sad, or if their feelings makes no sense to you, what matters is that right now, that person is sad, and that's your fault. You should be more empathetic'' And you know what... I understand. I doesn't matter if ultimately you have the best arguments, or that you feel their reaction is a diversion from the debate or that you yourself are angry: someone was hurt, by you. And the feminist or SJW you were arguing with is right, you can use all the logic and facts in the world, if you can't win the heart of your opponents you'll never win them over. In fact, that's part of why social justice and feminism are so popular: the people that are spreading those ideas... they really care about people ( or at least looks like they do). They convince people by being kind and supportive with them, by stirring up feelings of outrage and rightfulness over the injustices they perceive. Whether or not you can prove to them those injustices are either exagerated or made up is irrelevant if you can't replace this anger or sadness with something of your own. If the recent american elections haven't taught anyone that people's feelings are more important to convince most people than using logic, then I don't know what could.
Yes, in an argument, logic is more important than feelings, but when someone is hurt and is telling you about it, using it as a defense, they are no longer arguing with you. They just told you that you hurt them in their deeply held beliefs, It's like if you just killed their pet. They don't care about your logic at that point. You may feel annoyed and angry yourself that your argument is being highjacked by someone's tears, but there is always a another chance, given that you didn't alienate that person by your insistance. And if that person is your friend or family, is it worth it? Worth it to ruin your relationship over an argument you won't win anyway because of their current emotional state? I don't think so. That's why when I argue with someone and I start upsetting them... I'll apologize. I'll concede minor points. If you really want to win an argument, don't let the debate slip into butthurt territory, for neither of you.
People wonder why I got so good at arguing. Simple, I remember that I'm arguing with human beings, not robots, books or myself. I'm not arguing only over facts and logical arguments, I'm also arguing against someone's beliefs, someone's values. I remember that before winning the argument, I must show that I can win them over as a person. That I'm not as bad as they might imagine because we disagree and they think anyone with my opinions is a bigot. The best politicians, I'm sure you noticed, are charismatic, not philosophers or scientists. They charm people, they don't persuade them. And when someone is starting to feel upset? Calm down a bit, be more gentle, remember that you too have buttons that can be pushed. Maybe yours are harder or more obscure, but they still exists. Be empathetic, because that's the only way you can convince some people: not by being the smartest person, but the nicest person. May seems like cheating for you ''why would I use emotions? That's fallacy play, that's not how you should argue.''. Then don't hesitate to intertwine some logic in your emotional appeal. Sure, you don't like using emotions, I get it, but that's the only way some people will be willing to listen to your logic. If they just open to you, and agree based on logic, not feelings, does it matter that much you had to use emotions to achieve it? Not really. Feminists and SJWs are more empathetic than their opponents, yet their opponents are more pragmatic and do have many facts backing them up. If the social justice folks are mainly there because of feelings, and are not open to listen to your logic because their guard is up, you just need to lower that emotional shield, and that logic has no opposing logic from them to face. You know you'll win on a battle of wits, but have you forgot their hearts? I mellowed a lot this time it seems. I just thought of all of this because of my depression. Often people are insensitive, myself included, to others' sufferings. But like I said before, It doesn't matter why someone is feeling bad, they'll think about the legitimacy of their feelings after it passed, for now, they need conforting. Just... just remember that even if you are political ennemies, they are not necessary bad people. They believe in what they believe is the right thing, and so do you. So no need to launch a tear bomb. Overall, empathy is a quality that I wish more people tried to get, as for SJWs and co, I wish they extend their sympathy to everyone... not just specific minorities and oppressed groups. So that's all for today, I expect lot of backlash, but I stand by what I said. Maybe I'll explain myself better another time. I don't know. Anyway, see you later -KeLvin